User:MALFUNCTION

Under the influence of 27 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I left my apartment. The jelly levels in my blood were way above that of any normal man and as I left I thought 'why does the sky bleed like that I’ve never seen it do that before', but I shrugged it off and continued my walk to the store. When I got there the man behind the counter offered me a wide selection of frozen popsicles. However I wasn’t in the mood for popsicles instead I grabbed a can of royal crown cola, I had never had royal crown cola before and I thought to myself 'well why not?' I left the store after paying for the soft drink and made my way to the park, where I opened and then drank my royal crown cola under the peach tree. A squirrel hopped up next to me on the bench I was sitting on and the squirrel said "boy isn’t it a nice day?" I gasped in shock and awe at the severed head it was holding in its hands and as I gazed into the bottomless pit that appeared before me. I thought 'why don’t they make bacon flavored sour keys?' but I shrugged it off as the abyss engulfed me after several hours of falling through the abyss I found myself in Branson Missouri the dinner theater capital of the world and immediately made my way to Nebraska to sit on the world’s largest porch swing after sitting for about 3 days I promptly died of exposure